If We're Not Playing to Win, Then Don't Keep Score

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I can't remember what famous coach said this, but my former church-planting teammate Allen Diles used to quote it frequently. He was competitive. I am, too. Frankly, lots of people are. I know this fact.

Still, it's been educational to step back from sports and just watch. I'm too old to play anything competitively -- and I'm not even supposed to with my reconstructed knee. But that's not new. What is new? I'm not even coaching my kids anymore.

Now that we've moved to Fresno, I am an outsider when it comes to youth sports. As you certainly know, "recreational" youth sports programs in the well-to-do neighborhoods of our cities are "managed" by carefully selected groups of parents and interested individuals who want nothing more than to see their children have fun and learn how to play a sport. It all sounds so altruistic.

There is one problem with the scenario. It's the scoreboards. And they use them. Quite effeciently. Everyone sees that score. Players, parents, coaches. They all know the score. So are we now playing for fun or are we playing to win?

If we're just playing for fun, then wouldn't you just throw all the kids' names in a hat and randomly select where they play in the field and when they bat? If it was just recreation, wouldn't we make sure that everyone laughed & succeeded somehow since that would be highly recreational? Of course, if we are playing for fun, why do we have that scoreboard?

I know as well as anyone that it's not for fun. Sure, you can find fun moments in any game. And it's especially fun if you win. The true goal of course is not about fun. It's to build competitors, to help kids fight through adversity, to teach them to succeed, to hone their skills, to teach teamwork. All of these are actually noble skills to pursue.

But sometimes, just sometimes, parents and coaches themselves live through their kids in these moments, rather than letting their kids live them on their own. That to me is the danger. Not that kids play to win. But that parents & coaches play to win -- even though we're not the ones playing.

Stepping back has been good. But can I stay back?

Comments

Unknown said…
Play as long as you can, coach as long as you can. In my opinion, sports are one of the great human endeavors and a wonderful gift from God. Our bodies are so frail and on this planet for such a short time. To play is to rejoice the body and spirit of life which has been divinely gifted to us. Coaching does allow us to carryon in the spirit of playing, but more importantly allows us inspire, teach, mentor, encourage and even parent. As I look back over the years of coaching and parenting my kids through sports, they are all good memories...even losing. So I say play, coach, compete, and win as long as you can..
jd
March 28, 2009 at 11:17 PM
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